27th January 2006,
It's 1.46pm. Just now had branch with Marcus at OFA (Old Free-school Association). Had nice chat with him regarding family matter. It's CNY mood. People has been discussing on what's the planning for CNY and how much bonus they get from the consultants. Patient workload is alright, not so many patients. Myself had been slowing down- quite bored, don't know what to do. Wanna go back- later 4.30pm got to make a point to leave hospital sharp- if there's no issue. Or else will be expected jam.
For the past few nites have been going out, just don't wanna stay home. What a change. Waiting for sis to come back- then holidays- normal- Chinese New Year has always be quiet one. May it be a time of rest, to refreshed, to catch up with old friends, and family reunion. Talking about family- just now brother called. He want to borrow RM1000 from me. What should I be feeling? It's not the matter of money. He has not been contributing to family expenses and I did not say anything about it, and now he wanted to borrow from me, Chinese New Year- borrow from his sister. How should I be feeling? Well- think positive, not to sway to the other side. Maybe he needed help. Well, what can I do? Myself also has been very thrifty, with the expenses and car maintenance, mum's insurans payment, housing maintenance and tax. Talking about money- it's somehow a sensitive issue. I can break a family ties if not handle well. One thing I see, mum's heart was hurt- when brother don't really contribute to expenses. Who wants to calculate with him, never, we never talk about money. But brother does. Sad case.
What Marcus said quite true- probably I just do my part tht's all. Have done my duty and love to care and take care of mum. Marcus said- girls still alright, coz when they find someone, the hubby can contribute to the finance. But guys a bit difficult, coz their burden will be tight. True in one sense, wrong in another. That's why girl usually choose for more secure man, a man that they can trust, a man that's stable. Well planned and stable. That is more of worldly point of view. What about Christian's view? A Godly man, man of faith. yes, it's much desired. Once- yet now I'm not sure anymore. What's the criteria I placed for my future life partner? Thinking about it make me wonder am I really prepared for any relationship? Church saying- when you're completely passionate with God then the relationship will come. Don't chase after it, not rush. I'm not rushing. Yeah, discussion last night with Roland and Benji quite interesting. They had placed high value on Spiritual women, women faith, women after God's own heart. I used to think that if a man love God very much then will be alright, everything will able to fit in nicely. Now I actually re-think on the truth. It's just so subjective. Therefore I should placed it aside. Let me heart be singled- is it singled for Him? Have not come to that part- the matter now is for me to discover my position in Him again. The rest come secondary. Yet, it's much struggles, when you're alone, lonely..with the age catching up- women at such age sort of pressing red button. I can't say that I won't feel pressured, yet I can only wait and pray. Ps. Mei said one thing- to be vulnerable. To continue to feel and to love even though it's a risk and it's vulnerable. To be vulnerable,yet I asked God for wisdom- to be focused on His timing. The road seems unclear, yet I wanna trust Him, I have to trust Him- the Giver of all good things.
Prayer meet last week was good- Kasturi asked what's the prayer need? For myself I wanna pray for a heart of flesh and not a heart of stone (Ezekial 36- if I'm not mistaken) To put His Spirit in my heart- to have a heart of flesh and Spirit and not heart of stone. I need that transformation. That in my encounter woth others- in my relationship I will not placed and reason with my minds, or to expect or to label, yet to be myself- learning others strength and accepting others weakness. Help me Lord I prayed!
Friday, January 27, 2006
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Chinese New Year...simplicity
24th January 2006,
It's 5.56pm and I'm still in the office. has been a while did not write my blog, got to just sit and take time scribble something before I leave. Yeah, the title: Chinese New Year. This year will be a normal plain and simple Chinese New Year, my 2nd year celebrating in Penang. Celina will be coming back this Fri nite. Brother will be coming over Sunnyville for dinner as well. Mum will be really busy preparing, but it'll still be simple one.
Yesterday on-leave, had good time, helpig mum doing ribbon kuih and popiah kuih. Test my patience, realise am really really not patience- this take a lot time and details. Gee, then after tht went for lunch with mum, go banking then go hospital. Every week mum will go physio, and praise God it has been well. She's doing alright,..but recently got some problem with skin- keep itchy. Getting really worried at times, seeing her condition. Yet praying. Breakthrough in family- tht's wht Celina shared the other day. Probably this should be the focus- to pray as family. When's the last time we actually prayed as family? I remember once- during dad's sickness. Then another time when See Kheong still with Celina, we prayed for journey mercy for one another. Now...I really can't think about when is the last time all the Christians in our family holding hands and prayed. Once- yeah, recently on the phone I prayed over Celina on her struggles. That's good- prayer strengthen ties. Unites the hearts. That's where it keeps the family going despite of struggles and different opinions- despite the arguement and throwing tantrums sometimes. Above all else, the love of God still wth family- love and care. That makes family institution special.
Yeah, talking about tht, it should apply to Christian brothers and sisters in church. How we manage conflicts and how we handle situation in times of disagreement. How do we wanna edify one another, and lift ones up rather than pushing on down. How we wanna exalt others higher, look into ones needs and not only own needs. That's the main purpose of church- and cells. Am reviewing my role in cell. Things has change, probably my heart has change. A simple childlike Shirley- now more of the cautious, a "don't mess with me" sort of Shirley. How could such drastic change? That's the discussion with Pr. sam the other day. Praise God- He understands well. He said- don't over worry as if you're having split personality. I told Pr. how I felt- the change in me, that need to dealt with before I can continue in serving or any Ministry. Pr word of exhortation is encouraging. He said- He still can see the soft part in me, even tho' how I tried to be 'mean' yet. there's still that care and softness in me that never change. What a nice word. Is it? Really? He asked me not to stop loving, because it's my nature to love. I will not forget what Pr. said. Yeah, not to give up doing good, continue to do good, never give up, so that in due season you shall see the fruits if you don't give up (Gal). Hmm.. the word of God is true, and straight. Tht's no cornering and no hiding. It's the truth and it can build or it can destroy. How am I taking the Word of God? And how am I living in the WOG.
Year of Covenant. I wonder what the Lord installed for me in such year. So wht's the choice? To live own way, or trust it to God, and follow Him- obedience to His Words, and drawing close to Him in every circumtances. How am I putting Him real in my life? A challange for breakthrough.
It's 5.56pm and I'm still in the office. has been a while did not write my blog, got to just sit and take time scribble something before I leave. Yeah, the title: Chinese New Year. This year will be a normal plain and simple Chinese New Year, my 2nd year celebrating in Penang. Celina will be coming back this Fri nite. Brother will be coming over Sunnyville for dinner as well. Mum will be really busy preparing, but it'll still be simple one.
Yesterday on-leave, had good time, helpig mum doing ribbon kuih and popiah kuih. Test my patience, realise am really really not patience- this take a lot time and details. Gee, then after tht went for lunch with mum, go banking then go hospital. Every week mum will go physio, and praise God it has been well. She's doing alright,..but recently got some problem with skin- keep itchy. Getting really worried at times, seeing her condition. Yet praying. Breakthrough in family- tht's wht Celina shared the other day. Probably this should be the focus- to pray as family. When's the last time we actually prayed as family? I remember once- during dad's sickness. Then another time when See Kheong still with Celina, we prayed for journey mercy for one another. Now...I really can't think about when is the last time all the Christians in our family holding hands and prayed. Once- yeah, recently on the phone I prayed over Celina on her struggles. That's good- prayer strengthen ties. Unites the hearts. That's where it keeps the family going despite of struggles and different opinions- despite the arguement and throwing tantrums sometimes. Above all else, the love of God still wth family- love and care. That makes family institution special.
Yeah, talking about tht, it should apply to Christian brothers and sisters in church. How we manage conflicts and how we handle situation in times of disagreement. How do we wanna edify one another, and lift ones up rather than pushing on down. How we wanna exalt others higher, look into ones needs and not only own needs. That's the main purpose of church- and cells. Am reviewing my role in cell. Things has change, probably my heart has change. A simple childlike Shirley- now more of the cautious, a "don't mess with me" sort of Shirley. How could such drastic change? That's the discussion with Pr. sam the other day. Praise God- He understands well. He said- don't over worry as if you're having split personality. I told Pr. how I felt- the change in me, that need to dealt with before I can continue in serving or any Ministry. Pr word of exhortation is encouraging. He said- He still can see the soft part in me, even tho' how I tried to be 'mean' yet. there's still that care and softness in me that never change. What a nice word. Is it? Really? He asked me not to stop loving, because it's my nature to love. I will not forget what Pr. said. Yeah, not to give up doing good, continue to do good, never give up, so that in due season you shall see the fruits if you don't give up (Gal). Hmm.. the word of God is true, and straight. Tht's no cornering and no hiding. It's the truth and it can build or it can destroy. How am I taking the Word of God? And how am I living in the WOG.
Year of Covenant. I wonder what the Lord installed for me in such year. So wht's the choice? To live own way, or trust it to God, and follow Him- obedience to His Words, and drawing close to Him in every circumtances. How am I putting Him real in my life? A challange for breakthrough.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Forgiveness, start from the heart
19th January 2006,
8.57am Thurs morning. Last night we had prayer meeting. Pr. Mei shared about forgiveness, how true it is. I can identify with the sharing. It's not easy to forgive, forgive and forget- will it be possible for that to happen? I do remember sharing in EPCC website about Forgive and Forget, but right now when you faced it, then you can feel how hard is the message, how difficult to do it- yet it's still possible not with our human flesh but with God's grace and Spirit. It is so true that when we choose to cling on to the unforgiveness, it will break the bridge between us and God- not allowing what God has install in our lives to flow thru'. It's so true that when we choose to remember the hurts and bitterness, it's like tie string with the person, both in the same boat, both in prison- couldn't be freed from all the guilt, bitterness and hurts. It's so true. I choose to release the unforgiveness- if there's any of it, the Lord search my heart... search it deep in. Any conflicts, any disagreements, any hurts, any words, any lies instill by the enemy- all this shall be laid open and exposed. Allowing forgiveness to flow, allowing God's grace and mercy to flow in me.
8.57am Thurs morning. Last night we had prayer meeting. Pr. Mei shared about forgiveness, how true it is. I can identify with the sharing. It's not easy to forgive, forgive and forget- will it be possible for that to happen? I do remember sharing in EPCC website about Forgive and Forget, but right now when you faced it, then you can feel how hard is the message, how difficult to do it- yet it's still possible not with our human flesh but with God's grace and Spirit. It is so true that when we choose to cling on to the unforgiveness, it will break the bridge between us and God- not allowing what God has install in our lives to flow thru'. It's so true that when we choose to remember the hurts and bitterness, it's like tie string with the person, both in the same boat, both in prison- couldn't be freed from all the guilt, bitterness and hurts. It's so true. I choose to release the unforgiveness- if there's any of it, the Lord search my heart... search it deep in. Any conflicts, any disagreements, any hurts, any words, any lies instill by the enemy- all this shall be laid open and exposed. Allowing forgiveness to flow, allowing God's grace and mercy to flow in me.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Laying Down....
14th January 2006,
8.56am, Saturday morning in the office. Just finish generating PO. Gonna go for breakfast later. This morning prayer is good- Pr. shared on the Hosea 6: obedience better than sacrifice, and offerings. A new year 2006- Year of Covenant- Loving People Loving Man. How do we wanna go from here? How do we wanna allow God to mess up with our plans and agenda. Looking through the plans for 2006 I'm a little fearful- a lot of activities, how will the church members take it? Really pray for wisdom- to disseminate the information and purpose accordingly. I'm worried- yet, why should I, it's God's church, His temple, His people. Gonna trust Him on that, and do my part. How have I been doing my part?
Yesterday was great. Actually quite a lot people- Eugeen and Winnie, Lee Koh and Jasmine, Benji, Felix, Me and Mum. Actually we can start a Cell, but I'm just not prepared. But praise God things going good. We had round table dinner- spagetthi, KFC, mashed potatoes, sausages, red bean 'tong sui'. Char Bee hoon. Overall, we had good time of makaning. Then we proceed for Joyce Meyer's sermon. Not sure what's the title of the sermon- but I think "Divine Interuption" should be the one. I'm blessed by the sermon. It's just down to earth, have a high standard- God's standard of Love. It just speak forth on a few scenario that we're commonly faced- how's the testimony to the world. How to be a 'worldly' Christian. How to be a blessing- with of love life. A life-check on my love life. Got to stop here- gonna go for breakfast. Pray that the blog of questions will not just be a questions but a challenge for me to persue on life- to eternity, to His purpose.
8.56am, Saturday morning in the office. Just finish generating PO. Gonna go for breakfast later. This morning prayer is good- Pr. shared on the Hosea 6: obedience better than sacrifice, and offerings. A new year 2006- Year of Covenant- Loving People Loving Man. How do we wanna go from here? How do we wanna allow God to mess up with our plans and agenda. Looking through the plans for 2006 I'm a little fearful- a lot of activities, how will the church members take it? Really pray for wisdom- to disseminate the information and purpose accordingly. I'm worried- yet, why should I, it's God's church, His temple, His people. Gonna trust Him on that, and do my part. How have I been doing my part?
Yesterday was great. Actually quite a lot people- Eugeen and Winnie, Lee Koh and Jasmine, Benji, Felix, Me and Mum. Actually we can start a Cell, but I'm just not prepared. But praise God things going good. We had round table dinner- spagetthi, KFC, mashed potatoes, sausages, red bean 'tong sui'. Char Bee hoon. Overall, we had good time of makaning. Then we proceed for Joyce Meyer's sermon. Not sure what's the title of the sermon- but I think "Divine Interuption" should be the one. I'm blessed by the sermon. It's just down to earth, have a high standard- God's standard of Love. It just speak forth on a few scenario that we're commonly faced- how's the testimony to the world. How to be a 'worldly' Christian. How to be a blessing- with of love life. A life-check on my love life. Got to stop here- gonna go for breakfast. Pray that the blog of questions will not just be a questions but a challenge for me to persue on life- to eternity, to His purpose.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
A Broken Spirit and a Contrite Heart
12th January 2006,
8.45am, morning. Last night has been a released. I burst out in the midst of Prayer Meeting. Lee Lian shared on certain prayer items- Loving God, Loving People, about our theme for this year 2006- indeed God is doing something in regards to the theme. Very difficult to love people, with our own strength, with our own flesh. Personally my heart has been harden to love. We gather in group of 4. Pr. Mei prayed on love. The word strike my heart so strongly, it's my turn to pray. I prayed: Oh Lord teach us to love others- not with our strength, but channeling from above. But first of all, help us to love You "First". Without love- it's all meaningless, whtever we profess to do in Your Name...how can we serve You when we don't love.
Ro 12: 9 said
9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. 10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; 11 not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; 12 rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; 13 distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality. (NKJV)
I can't contained the tears but just break down. I wonder why I can so easily cry. How have I love God when I'm in conflict with His people, with my own fella-bro and sister in Christ. I realise deep in my heart there're so much of hurts and unforgiveness that really really need to dealth with. Or else- the result I'll be distant from others, I'll end up keeping myself close in order not to be hurt. Checking my heart, I asked the Lord to restore the live in my heart.
Pr. Mei spend time with me- her advice is true. I got to slowly release, and it's okie to release. No problem with crying, but the crying should be the yeilding to the Lord, to Him, and not of going down the pit of depression. The bursting of the heart burden to be with Him, and that's it. Not to take it back again. I got to deal with the unforgiveness, and to confront in love, to speak the truth in love as the Bible said. Or esle I will distant. But how? Pray! Pray! Come to Him with broken Spirit and Contrite heart. Ask the Lord for a tender heart, heart of flesh to love again, to care again.
8.45am, morning. Last night has been a released. I burst out in the midst of Prayer Meeting. Lee Lian shared on certain prayer items- Loving God, Loving People, about our theme for this year 2006- indeed God is doing something in regards to the theme. Very difficult to love people, with our own strength, with our own flesh. Personally my heart has been harden to love. We gather in group of 4. Pr. Mei prayed on love. The word strike my heart so strongly, it's my turn to pray. I prayed: Oh Lord teach us to love others- not with our strength, but channeling from above. But first of all, help us to love You "First". Without love- it's all meaningless, whtever we profess to do in Your Name...how can we serve You when we don't love.
Ro 12: 9 said
9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. 10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; 11 not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; 12 rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; 13 distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality. (NKJV)
I can't contained the tears but just break down. I wonder why I can so easily cry. How have I love God when I'm in conflict with His people, with my own fella-bro and sister in Christ. I realise deep in my heart there're so much of hurts and unforgiveness that really really need to dealth with. Or else- the result I'll be distant from others, I'll end up keeping myself close in order not to be hurt. Checking my heart, I asked the Lord to restore the live in my heart.
Pr. Mei spend time with me- her advice is true. I got to slowly release, and it's okie to release. No problem with crying, but the crying should be the yeilding to the Lord, to Him, and not of going down the pit of depression. The bursting of the heart burden to be with Him, and that's it. Not to take it back again. I got to deal with the unforgiveness, and to confront in love, to speak the truth in love as the Bible said. Or esle I will distant. But how? Pray! Pray! Come to Him with broken Spirit and Contrite heart. Ask the Lord for a tender heart, heart of flesh to love again, to care again.
Oh Father, forgive me for the reaction, that's fleshly. You know my heart Lord, You know my sitting down and my rising up, You are familiar with all my ways. Even before any words from my mouth, You already knew it. Search my heart Lord- if there's any offensive ways in me, any wicked ways in me. Lead me in the way everlasting. Lead me Lord, lead me I pray!
Saturday, January 07, 2006
It's Hurts....How to heal the Wounds?
7th January 2006,
It's so hurting. It's like a deep sharp knive cut through my heart, not just cut through, but squeeze deep, rotating the knives deep within. Thought the wounds has healed, Has been 3 years, yet it's still bleeding, it's still so painful. Thought had been used to the pain, as if I've been slapped 100 times and left no more pain even to slap another few times. Thought I can't feel the pain anymore..thought it's going to be alright when not thinking about it, not facing it. Yet it's not true. The pain is so real....The Word is just so sharp- it's just so wrong, so untrue, so hurting.
It's morning. I fetched Angie to Sharon's house before go to work. Thought it will be great morning coz of the coming wedding. A lot things to prepare- yesterday Deco was up...today plan to take time off to go to wedding. Then it comes a mail from Kenneth- again, enough smses, thot without replying should be enough, yet he is just would let go. It's just so hurting with the mail, made me shed tears again? Why I cried? Don't need to cry- it has been so long- no need to be emotional about tht? Why you cry dear...??? He's just so sick, who can help? No one can help. I'm the victim again..tht is enough! 3 years plus, that's enough! The words is enough! How am I going to forgive? Lord, How to forgive? How to let the Word pass by me- and place it back to You. You who judge the acts. You know which is true which is not. You judge Your children. That's enough Lord! What are You teaching me here? My heart is just so broken- a friend? A friend? Can't describe it...can't contain it. It's just enough!
It's so hurting. It's like a deep sharp knive cut through my heart, not just cut through, but squeeze deep, rotating the knives deep within. Thought the wounds has healed, Has been 3 years, yet it's still bleeding, it's still so painful. Thought had been used to the pain, as if I've been slapped 100 times and left no more pain even to slap another few times. Thought I can't feel the pain anymore..thought it's going to be alright when not thinking about it, not facing it. Yet it's not true. The pain is so real....The Word is just so sharp- it's just so wrong, so untrue, so hurting.
It's morning. I fetched Angie to Sharon's house before go to work. Thought it will be great morning coz of the coming wedding. A lot things to prepare- yesterday Deco was up...today plan to take time off to go to wedding. Then it comes a mail from Kenneth- again, enough smses, thot without replying should be enough, yet he is just would let go. It's just so hurting with the mail, made me shed tears again? Why I cried? Don't need to cry- it has been so long- no need to be emotional about tht? Why you cry dear...??? He's just so sick, who can help? No one can help. I'm the victim again..tht is enough! 3 years plus, that's enough! The words is enough! How am I going to forgive? Lord, How to forgive? How to let the Word pass by me- and place it back to You. You who judge the acts. You know which is true which is not. You judge Your children. That's enough Lord! What are You teaching me here? My heart is just so broken- a friend? A friend? Can't describe it...can't contain it. It's just enough!
O Lord, I throw all this hurts to You- see, so much of it! So much! See all my tears- take it Lord, I don't wanna contain it. It's so tiring- I give it to You, set me free Lord, Set me free to love again, to smile again, to be openned again. Help me not to dwell in that circular motion of hurts. I let it go to You, guide my heart- give me a heart of wisdom. Amen!
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Serving- Attitude outflow from the Heart
5th january 2006,
4.36pm. It's time to be back home. Stay here to write blog. Just had IM with Matthew in regards to ushering. We will be having meeting later at 7pm. Quite upset of the discussion. Has some disagreement with him regarding certain issue.
Checking my heart- how is my reaction on serving? It should be out from a heart of joy- as thanksgiving unto the Lord- freely give as best as can. But sometimes if we don't perform up to the expectation then how should tht be? Am I being offended? What about expectation? How am I offer my serving to Him? As of needs, as of love, joy in giving, as of obligation? How should be my response? Where is the passion of serving and giving your best to Him without considering how others said?
Maybe the matter not lies on Matthew, it's my heart attitude got to change. Why am I being calculative nowadays, and being very much selective and not easily commiting to help if any needs. Is it that all this while I've been serving out of obligation and it gets tired? I got to move on- serving, loving, giving- all the matter of the attitude of the heart. Who is God to you Shirley? Who are you serving in this ushering? Why do you get irritate by the expectation of others when He is the Lord of all that you serve? Got to get this right. How are you working with people of different temperament and accepting the strength and weakness of the indididual and work in unity? How are you responding to critic and offense? Positively. Yes, look up, the focus, the goal- the purpose. Wanna do it? Servant heart, submissive, and knowing doing your best- having the right attitude, right heart- and your service will be acceptable to Him.
4.36pm. It's time to be back home. Stay here to write blog. Just had IM with Matthew in regards to ushering. We will be having meeting later at 7pm. Quite upset of the discussion. Has some disagreement with him regarding certain issue.
Checking my heart- how is my reaction on serving? It should be out from a heart of joy- as thanksgiving unto the Lord- freely give as best as can. But sometimes if we don't perform up to the expectation then how should tht be? Am I being offended? What about expectation? How am I offer my serving to Him? As of needs, as of love, joy in giving, as of obligation? How should be my response? Where is the passion of serving and giving your best to Him without considering how others said?
Maybe the matter not lies on Matthew, it's my heart attitude got to change. Why am I being calculative nowadays, and being very much selective and not easily commiting to help if any needs. Is it that all this while I've been serving out of obligation and it gets tired? I got to move on- serving, loving, giving- all the matter of the attitude of the heart. Who is God to you Shirley? Who are you serving in this ushering? Why do you get irritate by the expectation of others when He is the Lord of all that you serve? Got to get this right. How are you working with people of different temperament and accepting the strength and weakness of the indididual and work in unity? How are you responding to critic and offense? Positively. Yes, look up, the focus, the goal- the purpose. Wanna do it? Servant heart, submissive, and knowing doing your best- having the right attitude, right heart- and your service will be acceptable to Him.
Oh Lord! Forgive me if my service thus far has been limited, out from a heavy heart, out of obligation. From today on- guide my heart- a willingness to serve, serve with a servant heart- a joy, a submissive spirit. Teach me on servanthood, that it is You who First to come to serve, not to be served, but to serve others and give Your life as ransom for many. Teach me to die on my flesh, my pride- of wanting the receive, but to give, to give, with joy with gladness, as I give my heart to You dear Lord. Unite my heart in Your purpose, teach me regarding submission, unity and building others up rather than pulling others down. Give me a teachable Spirit I pray...a childlike faith as before. Willingness,...I seek You dear Lord. Help me to obey Your voice. Guide me Holy Spirit. In times when the heart rebel, guide me to be still and know that You are Lord- You are in control, You are the One and Only I serve, not man but You. Be a God pleaser and not man-pleaser...with this I pray, Amen!
Friday, December 30, 2005
Forgive and Forget
30th December 2005,
It's 12.38pm Lunch time in another 20 mins. Take the time to write the blog. I remember I shared in the EPCC Forum about forgive and forget, and now I am actually questioning the reality- whether is this really exist? Forgive and forget? In His Word, He remember our sins no more. God forgive and forget, completely wipe off our sins, can't remember anything else- how about us? How do we forgive and allow the reconcilation with our brother and sister in Christ, once hurt us?
This experience coming back again last night, It has been 3 years, I thought it's all done with, it's all over, but I can't believe it coming back again. Is it means I haven't forgive- checking deep my heart? How can I react over such matter? What happen?
Last night was in ex-House. Had dinner with Felix and Helena, then invited Andrew to come over our home for fellowship. There come a call- it work out well, I try to tone down my voice, be cool and answer the phone- but he keep on digging back the past, keep on torturing me with what I've done to him which I did not, keep on never endingly wants me to answer to where we can take this friendship level to? What do you mean? Friendship, acquaintance level? Yes, I did not denied that we once a friend, once acquintance...but now, I don't know how to take that level? I forgive- and that's it, I forgive..all the hurts, I forgive, yet he never wanna let me go. Have I forgiven? I'm so deepenly sad, he made me shed tears again- a punching bag. Teach me how to react? Felix said you should just go on with life, put your feet down, not emotionally shaken by this- not worth. I know, but I can't help to be sad. I'm scared. That night, I received 2 smses from him. I knew it will not be good one, and indeed so. This morning I received another 2 smses- make up to 4 smses, all cursing me, hurting me. Sad case- I'm not angry, am I hurt, of coz...but I just so sad- pitiful that such a man that claimed to knew God's Word strongly can react this way to the fella believers- no many negatives things. I got to be mean- I don't want to, but here I got to be firm...
Lord teach me what to do? I forgive him as You have forgiven me, but I can't love him as You loved me. You send people to love him and help him- I can't Lord. I don't know why this can just drag on till 3 years. it's so tiring- the friendship once shared now so tiring. Teach me in such situation- guide my heart, I need Your wisdom- only You counsel I seek. I can't pray for him Lord- I just couldn't Lord- hope You understand. I remember him and trust it to You. Now the problems is not longer mine- It's Yours, and I trust You will handle it, You will take care of it. I refuse to feel guilty and angry, I let go all the hurts and unforgiveness- it's all in Your hands. Lord, take it, and heal my heart- any bitterness, hurts, heal, and it's health, In Jesus's Name. I'm freed from all emotional entanglement. Amen!
It's 12.38pm Lunch time in another 20 mins. Take the time to write the blog. I remember I shared in the EPCC Forum about forgive and forget, and now I am actually questioning the reality- whether is this really exist? Forgive and forget? In His Word, He remember our sins no more. God forgive and forget, completely wipe off our sins, can't remember anything else- how about us? How do we forgive and allow the reconcilation with our brother and sister in Christ, once hurt us?
This experience coming back again last night, It has been 3 years, I thought it's all done with, it's all over, but I can't believe it coming back again. Is it means I haven't forgive- checking deep my heart? How can I react over such matter? What happen?
Last night was in ex-House. Had dinner with Felix and Helena, then invited Andrew to come over our home for fellowship. There come a call- it work out well, I try to tone down my voice, be cool and answer the phone- but he keep on digging back the past, keep on torturing me with what I've done to him which I did not, keep on never endingly wants me to answer to where we can take this friendship level to? What do you mean? Friendship, acquaintance level? Yes, I did not denied that we once a friend, once acquintance...but now, I don't know how to take that level? I forgive- and that's it, I forgive..all the hurts, I forgive, yet he never wanna let me go. Have I forgiven? I'm so deepenly sad, he made me shed tears again- a punching bag. Teach me how to react? Felix said you should just go on with life, put your feet down, not emotionally shaken by this- not worth. I know, but I can't help to be sad. I'm scared. That night, I received 2 smses from him. I knew it will not be good one, and indeed so. This morning I received another 2 smses- make up to 4 smses, all cursing me, hurting me. Sad case- I'm not angry, am I hurt, of coz...but I just so sad- pitiful that such a man that claimed to knew God's Word strongly can react this way to the fella believers- no many negatives things. I got to be mean- I don't want to, but here I got to be firm...
Lord teach me what to do? I forgive him as You have forgiven me, but I can't love him as You loved me. You send people to love him and help him- I can't Lord. I don't know why this can just drag on till 3 years. it's so tiring- the friendship once shared now so tiring. Teach me in such situation- guide my heart, I need Your wisdom- only You counsel I seek. I can't pray for him Lord- I just couldn't Lord- hope You understand. I remember him and trust it to You. Now the problems is not longer mine- It's Yours, and I trust You will handle it, You will take care of it. I refuse to feel guilty and angry, I let go all the hurts and unforgiveness- it's all in Your hands. Lord, take it, and heal my heart- any bitterness, hurts, heal, and it's health, In Jesus's Name. I'm freed from all emotional entanglement. Amen!
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Listen- Just listen....
29th December 2005,
I realise this a few days ago when Felix said I don't listen. I used to be a good listener, a friend that can sit long with you and listen on the sharing and just being there, to just listen. I used to be...yet...just recently I realise that it's no more. My ear as if has been shut, and my heart has been very impatient with the deep sharings- I wonder why is that so. A listening ear, slow to speech and quick in listening. Felix has been pissed off when seeing such change in me- I don't wanna listen anymore, I have enough sorrows of my own. That should not be the attitude. A listening friends....I need them when I need them to listen, so how should I react when others need my ear, my heart to identify with them, and not by giving any advice, just as friends, being there- knowing that you care...
O Lord, forgive me for my impatience and my lacking in listening. Help me to be slow to speech and quick to listen, help me to be wise in the words that I choose that it will not tear others down, but build others up. That my mouth may speak of blessings, and my presence will bring comfort and love. Let the word of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be ever pleasing to You, ever pleasing to You Lord. Take the coal and cleanse my lips, here I am...
I realise this a few days ago when Felix said I don't listen. I used to be a good listener, a friend that can sit long with you and listen on the sharing and just being there, to just listen. I used to be...yet...just recently I realise that it's no more. My ear as if has been shut, and my heart has been very impatient with the deep sharings- I wonder why is that so. A listening ear, slow to speech and quick in listening. Felix has been pissed off when seeing such change in me- I don't wanna listen anymore, I have enough sorrows of my own. That should not be the attitude. A listening friends....I need them when I need them to listen, so how should I react when others need my ear, my heart to identify with them, and not by giving any advice, just as friends, being there- knowing that you care...
O Lord, forgive me for my impatience and my lacking in listening. Help me to be slow to speech and quick to listen, help me to be wise in the words that I choose that it will not tear others down, but build others up. That my mouth may speak of blessings, and my presence will bring comfort and love. Let the word of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be ever pleasing to You, ever pleasing to You Lord. Take the coal and cleanse my lips, here I am...
Can't live a day without You
29th December 2005,
5.30pm Thursday evening. Still in hospital- not gonna be having dinner with mum coz she has appointment with aunt. Am listening to few songs, the nice one- I love the most is "Can't live a day without You". The lyric very good- I love it, it speak through my heart during the LifeGames Mimes. It speaks of the season that I've gone through, how's my journey to live with Him and without Him, how do I live till today- because of the reason He lives- He's there with me. May it be the prayer of my heart "I live because You live- You're everything to me". The closeness that I long for, that I had been yeilding before. It speaks of His Presence with me, in this journey of life. I can live without many things in life and carry on..but I couldn't possibly live alone, without Him. "You are the heartbeat of all I do". I can do eveything, everything, but if He's not in it, it comes to nothing. May it be the pray of my heart to live with Him all the days of my life...how do you live?
5.30pm Thursday evening. Still in hospital- not gonna be having dinner with mum coz she has appointment with aunt. Am listening to few songs, the nice one- I love the most is "Can't live a day without You". The lyric very good- I love it, it speak through my heart during the LifeGames Mimes. It speaks of the season that I've gone through, how's my journey to live with Him and without Him, how do I live till today- because of the reason He lives- He's there with me. May it be the prayer of my heart "I live because You live- You're everything to me". The closeness that I long for, that I had been yeilding before. It speaks of His Presence with me, in this journey of life. I can live without many things in life and carry on..but I couldn't possibly live alone, without Him. "You are the heartbeat of all I do". I can do eveything, everything, but if He's not in it, it comes to nothing. May it be the pray of my heart to live with Him all the days of my life...how do you live?
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Christmas Caroling_GMC
28th December 2005,
It's 5.18pm. In hospital, waiting for caroling. Kinda excited. We gonna do this again- has been 3 years continuously we have been singing in GMC, tht's awesome. But never had the chance to preach the gospel, other than singing what else can we established? Tonite-7.30pm we will start our briefing. Really hope and pray the turn out will be good. Am sort of afraid that I will be singing alone, but thank God- I have few confirmation from staff coming, EPCC-ians coming. Even though we didn't practise much, hope we can still give our best. Christmas is over, 3 days ahead- yet Christmas's Spirit and the joy surrounds us. This morning there're 3 judges came to our Pharmacy department to view our Christmas Deco- they are Mr Teoh, Mrs Chin, and Ms Lim(Dietritian). We surprised them when we turned off the lights, and singing "Joy to the world, the Lord has come, let earth received the King". The Pharmacy staff sing tht- awesome, the judges were really surprised and had a well lasting impression how we usher them into our department. It's fun and happy. We're singing the song- but does the people know the meaning, the true meaning of Christmas- the news, those who carry the news. So tonite, I prayed that it will not just be a song- a carols, but God's people bringing the joy, the smile and the message of Christ is Love to the people. I am excited, Pas Sam will also be coming, Loon and Susie will be preparing ballon for children, the rest will join along sing. Staff will be joining in, pray for God's presence to be with us- surrounds the entire hospital with His joy, peace and love.
Sister back yesterday. I had dinner with Andrew, had good discussion. Also had some time of chat with Pas Sam. I've shared my concerns about Cell, and he has been supportive of my views, now is that I really need God's direction, not my flesh, but His will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
It's 5.18pm. In hospital, waiting for caroling. Kinda excited. We gonna do this again- has been 3 years continuously we have been singing in GMC, tht's awesome. But never had the chance to preach the gospel, other than singing what else can we established? Tonite-7.30pm we will start our briefing. Really hope and pray the turn out will be good. Am sort of afraid that I will be singing alone, but thank God- I have few confirmation from staff coming, EPCC-ians coming. Even though we didn't practise much, hope we can still give our best. Christmas is over, 3 days ahead- yet Christmas's Spirit and the joy surrounds us. This morning there're 3 judges came to our Pharmacy department to view our Christmas Deco- they are Mr Teoh, Mrs Chin, and Ms Lim(Dietritian). We surprised them when we turned off the lights, and singing "Joy to the world, the Lord has come, let earth received the King". The Pharmacy staff sing tht- awesome, the judges were really surprised and had a well lasting impression how we usher them into our department. It's fun and happy. We're singing the song- but does the people know the meaning, the true meaning of Christmas- the news, those who carry the news. So tonite, I prayed that it will not just be a song- a carols, but God's people bringing the joy, the smile and the message of Christ is Love to the people. I am excited, Pas Sam will also be coming, Loon and Susie will be preparing ballon for children, the rest will join along sing. Staff will be joining in, pray for God's presence to be with us- surrounds the entire hospital with His joy, peace and love.
Sister back yesterday. I had dinner with Andrew, had good discussion. Also had some time of chat with Pas Sam. I've shared my concerns about Cell, and he has been supportive of my views, now is that I really need God's direction, not my flesh, but His will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Christmas- Season of Joy, Hope and Peace
21st December 2005,
5.30pm- in the office, today had 2 meetings continuously. Patient load has decrease- holidays mood- good for us. Our Pharmacy has take part in Christmas Decoration Competition and I have full confident that we will able to win 1st Prize. Great job! I'm proud of the staff, this is really team work and all the credit goes to the Pharmacy Staff, all of them. I'm amazed at our Christmas tree, how we use the recycle Rhinathiol Syrup bottles, clean it up, fill it silica gell, put in the flourecent gold thingy, and how we arrange it. It's truely awesome. I bet Casualty will not able to beat us. Praise God...
Christmas is just around the corners. Christmas Hunt coming, it's too fast, have yet to get present for the Gift exchange. Plan to take a day off on Fri to prepare for the things. Thanks to Lee Koh for helping so much to plan, and also the rest- that has contribute in one way or another for the Christmas. Eric will be busy with weddings, so I should understand his condition not able to involve that much...Year gonna end, tht's too fast. Oh Gosh...Can we just stop the watch, stop the clock from ticking? Nahh...we can't. Life goes on, we should set time for goal setting...planning, reviewing goals, resolution. This year 2005 I did not set resolution- Yr 2006, time to review and set something.
5.30pm- in the office, today had 2 meetings continuously. Patient load has decrease- holidays mood- good for us. Our Pharmacy has take part in Christmas Decoration Competition and I have full confident that we will able to win 1st Prize. Great job! I'm proud of the staff, this is really team work and all the credit goes to the Pharmacy Staff, all of them. I'm amazed at our Christmas tree, how we use the recycle Rhinathiol Syrup bottles, clean it up, fill it silica gell, put in the flourecent gold thingy, and how we arrange it. It's truely awesome. I bet Casualty will not able to beat us. Praise God...
Christmas is just around the corners. Christmas Hunt coming, it's too fast, have yet to get present for the Gift exchange. Plan to take a day off on Fri to prepare for the things. Thanks to Lee Koh for helping so much to plan, and also the rest- that has contribute in one way or another for the Christmas. Eric will be busy with weddings, so I should understand his condition not able to involve that much...Year gonna end, tht's too fast. Oh Gosh...Can we just stop the watch, stop the clock from ticking? Nahh...we can't. Life goes on, we should set time for goal setting...planning, reviewing goals, resolution. This year 2005 I did not set resolution- Yr 2006, time to review and set something.
How could I live without You, How could I survive..
21st December 2005,
Extracted from "My Life Declaration":
I won't be captivated by culture, manipulated by critics, motivated by praise, frustrated by problems, debilitated by temptation, or intimidated by the devil. I'll keep running the race with my eyes on the goal, not the sidelines or those running by me. When times get tough, and I get tired, I won't back up, back off, back down, back out, or backslide. I'll just keep moving forward by God's grace. I', Spirit-led, purpose-driven and mission-focused, so I cannot be bought, I will not be compromised, and I shall not quit until I finish the race.
Last night ponder through. How can I say I wanna give up? Life is a breath from God..How could I live without Him? How could I survive, without His Love, without His touch, without His Presence. he's the reason that I live. Press on the race.
Christmas Hunt discussion last night. Even though the group is small, can see the effort all put in, with the little we have we gonna give the best- not for man, not for program, for God- for His Name, for His good news. Hope for the best for the Christmas Hunt, giving the best, know He will do the rest.
Extracted from "My Life Declaration":
I won't be captivated by culture, manipulated by critics, motivated by praise, frustrated by problems, debilitated by temptation, or intimidated by the devil. I'll keep running the race with my eyes on the goal, not the sidelines or those running by me. When times get tough, and I get tired, I won't back up, back off, back down, back out, or backslide. I'll just keep moving forward by God's grace. I', Spirit-led, purpose-driven and mission-focused, so I cannot be bought, I will not be compromised, and I shall not quit until I finish the race.
Last night ponder through. How can I say I wanna give up? Life is a breath from God..How could I live without Him? How could I survive, without His Love, without His touch, without His Presence. he's the reason that I live. Press on the race.
Christmas Hunt discussion last night. Even though the group is small, can see the effort all put in, with the little we have we gonna give the best- not for man, not for program, for God- for His Name, for His good news. Hope for the best for the Christmas Hunt, giving the best, know He will do the rest.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
It's A Choice- Smile at the Rain
20th December 2005,
5.11pm, it's Tuesday evening. I'm about to go back, just update the blog before I switch off the PC. Yesterday was on-leave. Had good time of resting at home, wrapping gifts and lunch with Lee Koh and Jasmine. Too lazy to go shopping, have not really get much gifts this year. Sister will be back this 24th. Still can remember some incidence few days ago- conversation with sister that made me shed tears. Wondering why I can be so emotional to take the feedback to emotionally and negatively. We have been hoping for her to come back Penang to work- it's tiring to see her travelling to and fro Johor-Penang, waste of time, effort, money...if she could have been in Penang will solve whole lot of issue. Yet I know fully well God has His time and season. Can see Celina has been growing- even after the breakoff she has found strength in Him, and passion for Mission and evangelism. It's good seeing her grow in the Lord- to start serving in Young Adult Ministry, yes, indeed she has been strong, always strong. One word that made me sad- "Smile and the world will smile with you, and cry and you will only cry alone, so just choose to be happy and smile". Imagine my siste said that to me. Yes, indeed it's true in a way, probably the meaning is to encourage me to make a choice to be happy. To be happy is a choice? Who don't want to be happy? And...if I'm crying- really I'll be crying alone? That's sad, really sad. Where's all my brothers and sisters? When I'm at the mountain-top, all will be cheering and happy with me, but if I'm in the valley full of dryness- who will be there? Who can cry with me? I'm in a way sad to hear this, although there's some truth to the statement. Yes, even though there're people surrounds you, families, friends, and church...yet, when there're some issues in life, where you're standing at the borderline, or valley and wonderland-so called...it's still your choice and effort to make that move. Man can't help, friends can't help. When you're crying you'll only cry alone?? I ponder through..how many times I've cried, and who is there with me. Only the Daddy in heaven, my closest friends. Yet sometimes I can reject that closest friend that trying to offer helping hands. What a wretched man like me, who can help? A choice to make- a choice, an effort.
I wonder why, this year 2005 it speak so much of choices and efforts. I wish to pedal hard, I wish to run and fly with wings of eagles, "You wish, and You can Shirley- Do It, just run, just fly, just soar up- why stop? Why doubt? Can't you just trust me, can't you just trust the Daddy's heart? Why worry?"
Oh God, my Lord! I'm so tired of life. Life isn't fun, it's full of turmoils and I feel like giving up. I'm sorry Daddy- for such feeling. But it is real, it's real and I don't like it...but life still goes on, whatever happen I still need to live. Teach me to live with a smile in my heart. Teach me to say "Yes". Am journeyed on, whatever it takes..teach me to keep the eyes straight and focus in You, on the Cross of Love, fix my mind on you, to be centre-minded moving forward, not backward..in whatever I said..there will not be a "But", there only be a "Yes, praise God and Amen". Help me to follow You till the end. Gives me a Spirit-filled understanding of the situation I'm facing now...that I will see the joy of rainbow at the end of the rain. I surrender- help me to die in self, and live by the Spirit each day, I prayed. Amen!
5.11pm, it's Tuesday evening. I'm about to go back, just update the blog before I switch off the PC. Yesterday was on-leave. Had good time of resting at home, wrapping gifts and lunch with Lee Koh and Jasmine. Too lazy to go shopping, have not really get much gifts this year. Sister will be back this 24th. Still can remember some incidence few days ago- conversation with sister that made me shed tears. Wondering why I can be so emotional to take the feedback to emotionally and negatively. We have been hoping for her to come back Penang to work- it's tiring to see her travelling to and fro Johor-Penang, waste of time, effort, money...if she could have been in Penang will solve whole lot of issue. Yet I know fully well God has His time and season. Can see Celina has been growing- even after the breakoff she has found strength in Him, and passion for Mission and evangelism. It's good seeing her grow in the Lord- to start serving in Young Adult Ministry, yes, indeed she has been strong, always strong. One word that made me sad- "Smile and the world will smile with you, and cry and you will only cry alone, so just choose to be happy and smile". Imagine my siste said that to me. Yes, indeed it's true in a way, probably the meaning is to encourage me to make a choice to be happy. To be happy is a choice? Who don't want to be happy? And...if I'm crying- really I'll be crying alone? That's sad, really sad. Where's all my brothers and sisters? When I'm at the mountain-top, all will be cheering and happy with me, but if I'm in the valley full of dryness- who will be there? Who can cry with me? I'm in a way sad to hear this, although there's some truth to the statement. Yes, even though there're people surrounds you, families, friends, and church...yet, when there're some issues in life, where you're standing at the borderline, or valley and wonderland-so called...it's still your choice and effort to make that move. Man can't help, friends can't help. When you're crying you'll only cry alone?? I ponder through..how many times I've cried, and who is there with me. Only the Daddy in heaven, my closest friends. Yet sometimes I can reject that closest friend that trying to offer helping hands. What a wretched man like me, who can help? A choice to make- a choice, an effort.
I wonder why, this year 2005 it speak so much of choices and efforts. I wish to pedal hard, I wish to run and fly with wings of eagles, "You wish, and You can Shirley- Do It, just run, just fly, just soar up- why stop? Why doubt? Can't you just trust me, can't you just trust the Daddy's heart? Why worry?"
Oh God, my Lord! I'm so tired of life. Life isn't fun, it's full of turmoils and I feel like giving up. I'm sorry Daddy- for such feeling. But it is real, it's real and I don't like it...but life still goes on, whatever happen I still need to live. Teach me to live with a smile in my heart. Teach me to say "Yes". Am journeyed on, whatever it takes..teach me to keep the eyes straight and focus in You, on the Cross of Love, fix my mind on you, to be centre-minded moving forward, not backward..in whatever I said..there will not be a "But", there only be a "Yes, praise God and Amen". Help me to follow You till the end. Gives me a Spirit-filled understanding of the situation I'm facing now...that I will see the joy of rainbow at the end of the rain. I surrender- help me to die in self, and live by the Spirit each day, I prayed. Amen!
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Lessons on Life
15th December 2005,
Lessons on Life
There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.
The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall. When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.
The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted.
The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise.
The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.
The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.
The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life. He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.
If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.
Moral lessons:
Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.
Don't judge life by one difficult season.
Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later
Lessons on Life
There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.
The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall. When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.
The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted.
The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise.
The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.
The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.
The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life. He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.
If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.
Moral lessons:
Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.
Don't judge life by one difficult season.
Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Mission Emphasis
14th December 2005,
5.56pm still in the office. Today had great heahache, it's a sign of the monthly mood-swing thingy. Need my Panadol, this time will require more dose of supplements. Yesterday reached home about 9.30pm, has been whole day, went back Alor Setar for Uncle's funeral- fetched aunts to AS, dunno road to their house in Butterworth, a lot testing of my patience, but thank God overall everything is well. Have good chat with Small-Aunt. Listened to all the sharing of the 'chanting' and procession. We are the only family that believe in Christ. Sister was saying we got to pray more for our relatives, to be saved, rather than each year seeing relatives passed away without knowing God- a miserable thing. A heart of compassion for the lost, mission emphasis this month for people to reach out. Many times it's the fear, or it's the timidity or it's just not of the sensing of urgency to pray and to share the gospel- Are we need to be gifted in certain ways to share? It first comes in basic relationship, befriend the people, then it step up to testimony and lifestyles. Leading a Christian life, a God-fearing life, may the Lord open the eyes of the heart of people. But we got to do our part, we have our part to play- but when it comes to sharing...evangelism, people will stop...it's not my gift. Myself having the resistancy as well, it's more to do with pride.
Many ways to share the love of God- not by telling people Jesus died and rose again, and ask them to believe Christ. It's more of lifestyle, it's the stand in the world, a selfish world. A stand up among the rest, in workplace- speech. Mission trip, with creative ideas to share to the children etc. I missed Mission Trip, it always been an eye opener and great experience. Every different mission trip has something special, special message for His people and for the congregation. Need to approach it with willing and teachable spirit. Very important- teachable attitude, humble Spirit to learn, to accept correction, to accept rebuke- to be open in the Spirit for God to move. Not our ways but Him.
This year we are not going to have Caroling. Can't get guitarist, too many things and events going, so this yr got to let it pass. GM called the other day, I'm so sad to reject him...we should have do it, but not right time, not this year....it's 615pm now, got to make a move back home. Home Sweet Home*** Mummy cooked porridge, yum yum...hope it won't be jam. Mission emphasis- just got mail from Lee Lian, updates of mission again- sometimes too much of it can make you feel scared. Pray the Lord will lead His people to get His message of the mission in His due season...
5.56pm still in the office. Today had great heahache, it's a sign of the monthly mood-swing thingy. Need my Panadol, this time will require more dose of supplements. Yesterday reached home about 9.30pm, has been whole day, went back Alor Setar for Uncle's funeral- fetched aunts to AS, dunno road to their house in Butterworth, a lot testing of my patience, but thank God overall everything is well. Have good chat with Small-Aunt. Listened to all the sharing of the 'chanting' and procession. We are the only family that believe in Christ. Sister was saying we got to pray more for our relatives, to be saved, rather than each year seeing relatives passed away without knowing God- a miserable thing. A heart of compassion for the lost, mission emphasis this month for people to reach out. Many times it's the fear, or it's the timidity or it's just not of the sensing of urgency to pray and to share the gospel- Are we need to be gifted in certain ways to share? It first comes in basic relationship, befriend the people, then it step up to testimony and lifestyles. Leading a Christian life, a God-fearing life, may the Lord open the eyes of the heart of people. But we got to do our part, we have our part to play- but when it comes to sharing...evangelism, people will stop...it's not my gift. Myself having the resistancy as well, it's more to do with pride.
Many ways to share the love of God- not by telling people Jesus died and rose again, and ask them to believe Christ. It's more of lifestyle, it's the stand in the world, a selfish world. A stand up among the rest, in workplace- speech. Mission trip, with creative ideas to share to the children etc. I missed Mission Trip, it always been an eye opener and great experience. Every different mission trip has something special, special message for His people and for the congregation. Need to approach it with willing and teachable spirit. Very important- teachable attitude, humble Spirit to learn, to accept correction, to accept rebuke- to be open in the Spirit for God to move. Not our ways but Him.
This year we are not going to have Caroling. Can't get guitarist, too many things and events going, so this yr got to let it pass. GM called the other day, I'm so sad to reject him...we should have do it, but not right time, not this year....it's 615pm now, got to make a move back home. Home Sweet Home*** Mummy cooked porridge, yum yum...hope it won't be jam. Mission emphasis- just got mail from Lee Lian, updates of mission again- sometimes too much of it can make you feel scared. Pray the Lord will lead His people to get His message of the mission in His due season...
An eventful Sunday III
14th December 2005,
4.57pm Wednesday afternoon, now still in GMC. Has been a while didn't update the blog, got to find time doing time, or else I'll forget what's happening for pass days.
Yeah- eventful Sunday III. I didn't attend church for 2 weeks. The first week of the month I was attending John's wedding in Ipoh- visit Wesley Methodist Church, Ipoh. It was sort of eye opener and new experience for me coz it's my first time attending Methodist church. That Sunday is Holy Communion, and I have the change to see how the church conduct the Communion. It was good experience, overall I can see the church in different perspective, the strength in conducting things in orderly way, and how the communion was served- the congregation will line up in front of the altar and kneel down to receive the Bread and Wine, a form of reverance to God. It's good, to approach the occasion with reverence and respect, remembering what God has done for us. Unlike most of the churches, it's served to congregation. Yeah, a form of change of attitude and approach. The church is huge- according to Gavin it's shaped as cross. He brought us around to gymnasium which was converted into a Children Class room. Nice experience.
Last week I didn't attend church- attend friends' Chee Mui's session and be her bridesmaid. I think it's my first time attending Non-Christian wedding...maybe not first time, but this time being involved helping in the wedding brings some light to my experience. Being a bridesmaid is tough, got to help take care angpow and pull brides' wedding gown, got to fan the bride, and stand beside each time they 'cham cha'. Somemore she got a lot relatives- a lot teas to 'cham'. Then the relatives also need to know so many names- mother's uncle, mother's uncles' children..etc. Chinese custom, with needs to address a person differently, father side with one name, mother's side another name, unlike commonly we address all man above 40's as uncles :) A tiring day..yet something different.
So many weddings, weddings so busy, so many things to prepare. Next time if I were ever get married I will want to make my wedding as simple as possible, keep it simple and sweet.
4.57pm Wednesday afternoon, now still in GMC. Has been a while didn't update the blog, got to find time doing time, or else I'll forget what's happening for pass days.
Yeah- eventful Sunday III. I didn't attend church for 2 weeks. The first week of the month I was attending John's wedding in Ipoh- visit Wesley Methodist Church, Ipoh. It was sort of eye opener and new experience for me coz it's my first time attending Methodist church. That Sunday is Holy Communion, and I have the change to see how the church conduct the Communion. It was good experience, overall I can see the church in different perspective, the strength in conducting things in orderly way, and how the communion was served- the congregation will line up in front of the altar and kneel down to receive the Bread and Wine, a form of reverance to God. It's good, to approach the occasion with reverence and respect, remembering what God has done for us. Unlike most of the churches, it's served to congregation. Yeah, a form of change of attitude and approach. The church is huge- according to Gavin it's shaped as cross. He brought us around to gymnasium which was converted into a Children Class room. Nice experience.
Last week I didn't attend church- attend friends' Chee Mui's session and be her bridesmaid. I think it's my first time attending Non-Christian wedding...maybe not first time, but this time being involved helping in the wedding brings some light to my experience. Being a bridesmaid is tough, got to help take care angpow and pull brides' wedding gown, got to fan the bride, and stand beside each time they 'cham cha'. Somemore she got a lot relatives- a lot teas to 'cham'. Then the relatives also need to know so many names- mother's uncle, mother's uncles' children..etc. Chinese custom, with needs to address a person differently, father side with one name, mother's side another name, unlike commonly we address all man above 40's as uncles :) A tiring day..yet something different.
So many weddings, weddings so busy, so many things to prepare. Next time if I were ever get married I will want to make my wedding as simple as possible, keep it simple and sweet.
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Paradigm Shift - Newness - 2006
10th December 2005,
1.43pm- still in the office. It's Saturday and tonite is Huey Meng's wedding. Will be helping in Reception. This morning wake up 5.40am, for morning prayer (leaders). This morning message is good- to prepare for the new season. Ps mentioned one thing- the new sanctuary getting ready soon. God is about to do new thing, whether we want or not. Got to get ready, or else some that could keep up to that will get retired. Probably I'm sensitive, or is it God that speaking in my Spirit. Ps preached before about the sermon "How to Run", whther we run with purpose, carrying the news. Or else even tho' we run, David said, "Move aside, You don't have news for the King". Am I faithful with the little God entrusted in what he called me to do? Am I faithful in that? How should be the change for 2006? A new season- return to the basic- Loving God, loving People.
When Ps shared about the mission for church, am quite fearful. More things, more commitments, a lot required from the people. It's time for commitment and there should have some sacrifices made. And what can I offer? To expand our heart, to enlarge our heart- willing to allow Him to expand us. That's huge challenges ahead. But a success begin with small step, a step to commit. How should I commit? How should I do with my time, where is the area God challenging me?
About old wineskin and new wineskin, what will happen if the new wine poured into old wineskin? What will it happen if the church remain just old wineskin and venturing into new church, new season? Can we take it? How should we take it into that level? Consecrating our lives, ever be ready to be pour out like a offering for Him... that is what he wants our heart to response. Am I responding? Am struggling- to commit, to give, to be tender to allow him to use me. 2006- what's the challenges ahead?....
1.43pm- still in the office. It's Saturday and tonite is Huey Meng's wedding. Will be helping in Reception. This morning wake up 5.40am, for morning prayer (leaders). This morning message is good- to prepare for the new season. Ps mentioned one thing- the new sanctuary getting ready soon. God is about to do new thing, whether we want or not. Got to get ready, or else some that could keep up to that will get retired. Probably I'm sensitive, or is it God that speaking in my Spirit. Ps preached before about the sermon "How to Run", whther we run with purpose, carrying the news. Or else even tho' we run, David said, "Move aside, You don't have news for the King". Am I faithful with the little God entrusted in what he called me to do? Am I faithful in that? How should be the change for 2006? A new season- return to the basic- Loving God, loving People.
When Ps shared about the mission for church, am quite fearful. More things, more commitments, a lot required from the people. It's time for commitment and there should have some sacrifices made. And what can I offer? To expand our heart, to enlarge our heart- willing to allow Him to expand us. That's huge challenges ahead. But a success begin with small step, a step to commit. How should I commit? How should I do with my time, where is the area God challenging me?
About old wineskin and new wineskin, what will happen if the new wine poured into old wineskin? What will it happen if the church remain just old wineskin and venturing into new church, new season? Can we take it? How should we take it into that level? Consecrating our lives, ever be ready to be pour out like a offering for Him... that is what he wants our heart to response. Am I responding? Am struggling- to commit, to give, to be tender to allow him to use me. 2006- what's the challenges ahead?....
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Cry Holy
8th December 2005,
Thurs evening@ 4.45pm. Still in office. Today sort of busy, Storekeeper not around, but it's well- still can handle. Pharmacy quite hectic in December, staff complaining full bed- gonna burn down. Today one of my Pharmacist cried, don't know what happen- hope she's okie. Others said she's stressed with work, but Boey said it's personal matter. If it's work related I should have do something so that she'll be happy in work, or else she resign I'll be really sad. Tomorrow got to talk to her.
Hmm..has been a while didn't write Blog. Many things happened. Went to Ipoh last week for John's wedding. Have not been attending church service for 2 weeks, then this coming week will be having another wedding, won't able to attend church. What to do, don't know how to reject people. Huey Meng asked me to be her bridesmaid and I said yes, because she can't get others, I got to bhelp out lar...and need to do it willingly and happily. But thinking of the pass months, Nov and Dec has been fruitful month for weddings. So many weddings. Come to think about it, a little bit phobia with weddings already. Some more Jan will be Wedding Co-ordinator for Eric and Sharon's wedding. Geeee...It's too emotional, and touchy....only single people like me can understand this. After Jan, I do hope there won't be anyone to ask me plan and help on Weddings.
This morning went for Morning Prayer- 6am. A sudden move of the heart to go to church. Yeah, probably that is the knocking of Holy Spirit. Told Andrew about it, he said maybe I miss Him..."Miss" Him...yeah..some refilling of the void, that only He can fill. I like this song, it the reminder of the Everlasting care of the Father..tht will always draw His child back even tho' we fall away...that He is there, He is there, He understand, and He is there in whatever we go through.....
In my loneliness You are there
To reveal Your righteousness, in my despair
Jesus I long for You
There is no one else, no one like You
So I cry Holy, Worthy, Glory, Majesty
You reign on high
Far above all the earth
You are my God, my Lord and King
When I'm far away You are there
To draw me back again, into Your care
Jesus I long for You
There is no one else, no one like You
Thurs evening@ 4.45pm. Still in office. Today sort of busy, Storekeeper not around, but it's well- still can handle. Pharmacy quite hectic in December, staff complaining full bed- gonna burn down. Today one of my Pharmacist cried, don't know what happen- hope she's okie. Others said she's stressed with work, but Boey said it's personal matter. If it's work related I should have do something so that she'll be happy in work, or else she resign I'll be really sad. Tomorrow got to talk to her.
Hmm..has been a while didn't write Blog. Many things happened. Went to Ipoh last week for John's wedding. Have not been attending church service for 2 weeks, then this coming week will be having another wedding, won't able to attend church. What to do, don't know how to reject people. Huey Meng asked me to be her bridesmaid and I said yes, because she can't get others, I got to bhelp out lar...and need to do it willingly and happily. But thinking of the pass months, Nov and Dec has been fruitful month for weddings. So many weddings. Come to think about it, a little bit phobia with weddings already. Some more Jan will be Wedding Co-ordinator for Eric and Sharon's wedding. Geeee...It's too emotional, and touchy....only single people like me can understand this. After Jan, I do hope there won't be anyone to ask me plan and help on Weddings.
This morning went for Morning Prayer- 6am. A sudden move of the heart to go to church. Yeah, probably that is the knocking of Holy Spirit. Told Andrew about it, he said maybe I miss Him..."Miss" Him...yeah..some refilling of the void, that only He can fill. I like this song, it the reminder of the Everlasting care of the Father..tht will always draw His child back even tho' we fall away...that He is there, He is there, He understand, and He is there in whatever we go through.....
In my loneliness You are there
To reveal Your righteousness, in my despair
Jesus I long for You
There is no one else, no one like You
So I cry Holy, Worthy, Glory, Majesty
You reign on high
Far above all the earth
You are my God, my Lord and King
When I'm far away You are there
To draw me back again, into Your care
Jesus I long for You
There is no one else, no one like You
Monday, November 28, 2005
An eventful Sunday II
28th November 2005,
4.44pm Monday evening. It's time to go back. Praise God, I've finished my report for new system. Pray that tomorrow system discussion will be fruitful.
Evenful Sunday II..it's yesterday happening. It's like that. Sunday I have Pharmacy Meeting around 1.30pm. I didn't attend church that day because I attend saturday service. And, Mum fetch me to church on saturday- she drove my Kenari. So, means she keep my car key....alright, Sunday I sleep till 8.30am, wanna sleep longer but normal biological clock wake me up...so wake up, do devotion- read Bible, worshipping...pray for the coming Meeting, asked God for wisdom, patience and love...renewed love for Him and people. Sat service was good- the sermon is hard, and forceful and it leave a challenge for us to work out our lives- a message to carry on. Are we carrying that message of Christ? Yeah, so good about Saturday, Sunday something happen- I almost want to cry and lost my patience.
I plan to go hospital early- plan to take my lunch first then go hospital to prepare White Board and set up meeting. Everything set, everything ready- try to search for my Kenari key- Oh No! Where is it? Mum must have took it away and put in her bag. Trying to search the old bag- can't find...Oh No! How can that be? Tried called mum's HP: Switch Off...Oh NO! How can this happen in such a wonderful Sunday? Re-Search the bag again- no key...pause, where did I put my spare key? Any spare keys? Doing thorough search in the house, every single drawer search..search...search. It's like treasure hunt, worse than treasure hunt. Oh No...how can this happen to me God? I just praise You, worship You..wanna start a fresh new day, Oh Gosh...this happen, how am I going to Hospital? I don't like interupted plan...not today, not now...Oh ya, Amazing Grace church is just nearby, I can run there, maybe can catch mum...it's 11.45am. Oh Gosh, I hope I have the time-then, all the way- I run, I run and I run to Amazing Grace- to rescue my Kenari Key. Reach there gasping for air- look left and right, front and back...Oh No! Where's mummy's car? Where's her old Datsun? Oh No! How come she so fast go off? Tried called her HP again- Not on. Geee...that's bad. I scratched my head and stamped my feet. Looking helpless, walk without direction...till I reach Mobil Petrol Station.. hungry, haven't take breakfast. Bought an Choc Ice-Cream to fill my tummy and soothed my 'mood'. Oh God, how can I be so short tempered? I should give praise in such time rather than complaining....Called up Yamunes, she can't fetch me. Called up Phei- my angel, she agreed to fetch me. Praise God.
Reached hospital on time 1.30pm. Praise God, but quite kelam kabut with preparation- but overall, thank God- things run smoothly. Toh fetched me back home. I reach home, mummy cool, didn't even know I'm angry...or rather frustrated. After knowing the situation, she said the key in old bag...how can I not found it? Gee....dunno how to response.
Anyway..it's just some eventful Sunday- a lesson to learn:
1. Do not let the sun go down while you're still angry. (Praise Him despite circumtances- don't let situation change yr mood)
2. Identify the spare-key
3. Don't be kelam kabut- coz kelam kabut things that is in front of you- you won't see it, you'll be blinded by your own frustration
4. Friends are angels- they offer help in times of need, that's real fren. At least I hv frens to call on to
5. In such situation, God is still with me. Meeting runs well- it's fruitful, we came up with a lot ideas after brainstorming for our new systems.
6. Forgive and Forget- mum just forgetful, don't blame her. Forgive and forget
4.44pm Monday evening. It's time to go back. Praise God, I've finished my report for new system. Pray that tomorrow system discussion will be fruitful.
Evenful Sunday II..it's yesterday happening. It's like that. Sunday I have Pharmacy Meeting around 1.30pm. I didn't attend church that day because I attend saturday service. And, Mum fetch me to church on saturday- she drove my Kenari. So, means she keep my car key....alright, Sunday I sleep till 8.30am, wanna sleep longer but normal biological clock wake me up...so wake up, do devotion- read Bible, worshipping...pray for the coming Meeting, asked God for wisdom, patience and love...renewed love for Him and people. Sat service was good- the sermon is hard, and forceful and it leave a challenge for us to work out our lives- a message to carry on. Are we carrying that message of Christ? Yeah, so good about Saturday, Sunday something happen- I almost want to cry and lost my patience.
I plan to go hospital early- plan to take my lunch first then go hospital to prepare White Board and set up meeting. Everything set, everything ready- try to search for my Kenari key- Oh No! Where is it? Mum must have took it away and put in her bag. Trying to search the old bag- can't find...Oh No! How can that be? Tried called mum's HP: Switch Off...Oh NO! How can this happen in such a wonderful Sunday? Re-Search the bag again- no key...pause, where did I put my spare key? Any spare keys? Doing thorough search in the house, every single drawer search..search...search. It's like treasure hunt, worse than treasure hunt. Oh No...how can this happen to me God? I just praise You, worship You..wanna start a fresh new day, Oh Gosh...this happen, how am I going to Hospital? I don't like interupted plan...not today, not now...Oh ya, Amazing Grace church is just nearby, I can run there, maybe can catch mum...it's 11.45am. Oh Gosh, I hope I have the time-then, all the way- I run, I run and I run to Amazing Grace- to rescue my Kenari Key. Reach there gasping for air- look left and right, front and back...Oh No! Where's mummy's car? Where's her old Datsun? Oh No! How come she so fast go off? Tried called her HP again- Not on. Geee...that's bad. I scratched my head and stamped my feet. Looking helpless, walk without direction...till I reach Mobil Petrol Station.. hungry, haven't take breakfast. Bought an Choc Ice-Cream to fill my tummy and soothed my 'mood'. Oh God, how can I be so short tempered? I should give praise in such time rather than complaining....Called up Yamunes, she can't fetch me. Called up Phei- my angel, she agreed to fetch me. Praise God.
Reached hospital on time 1.30pm. Praise God, but quite kelam kabut with preparation- but overall, thank God- things run smoothly. Toh fetched me back home. I reach home, mummy cool, didn't even know I'm angry...or rather frustrated. After knowing the situation, she said the key in old bag...how can I not found it? Gee....dunno how to response.
Anyway..it's just some eventful Sunday- a lesson to learn:
1. Do not let the sun go down while you're still angry. (Praise Him despite circumtances- don't let situation change yr mood)
2. Identify the spare-key
3. Don't be kelam kabut- coz kelam kabut things that is in front of you- you won't see it, you'll be blinded by your own frustration
4. Friends are angels- they offer help in times of need, that's real fren. At least I hv frens to call on to
5. In such situation, God is still with me. Meeting runs well- it's fruitful, we came up with a lot ideas after brainstorming for our new systems.
6. Forgive and Forget- mum just forgetful, don't blame her. Forgive and forget
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